Football really has standards?

• Fergie, no pets for you. Hip-hop singer Fergie, part of our proud new class of celebrity part-owners of the Dolphins, admits to past fascination with the drugs Ecstasy and crystal meth, though she grew annoyed with a London Sunday Times reporter who asked if it was true she once got so wasted on meth that she spent eight hours talking to a hamster. ``It wasn't a hamster, it was a hamper,'' she insisted.

• And Fergie, lay in a supply of Depends. She says the Ecstasy and meth are behind her, but the singer -- perhaps because it was unfortunately recorded for posterity on YouTube -- admits to getting so drunk before going on stage at a show a couple of years ago that she wet herself while dancing.

• And Fergie -- you again! -- try some lyrics that rhyme June-moon-spoon. Among Fergie's more infamous songs recorded with the Black Eyed Peas is one called My Humps, which goes: I'ma get get get get you drunk/Get you love drunk off my hump -- well, you get the drift.