She said that luckily her maid, Blanca Horchata, 48, found her, laid her on her stomach, and proceeded to kick the livin' hell out of her ass until the pieces of 39 crackers all shot out of her mouth like sweat beads shooting out of Shaquille O'Neal's face during a basketball game.
West Hollywood Police Officer Cuthbert "Cutty" Tunnelfish asked Miss Tequila why she had taken the 39 crackers. She grinned and said that she was depressed because she has fallen in love with Cheryl Burke's dance
partner on Dancing With The Stars football player Chad Ochocinco and he will not return her calls.
She cried out to Officer Tunnelfish, "Sir, please tell me why Chaddy won't return my calls? Is it cause, maybe, perhaps I'm just not as pretty as Carrie Underwood, or as funny as Ellen DeGeneres, or as sexy as Pamela Anderson?"
"Yes, yes, and effen "A" yes."
Officer Tunnelfish then asked Blanca where the heck she learned that stomach emptying maneuver she used on Tila. Blanca said that she learned it from watching CSI: Miami.
Tunnelfish commended her and told her that she definitely saved Miss Tequila's life. He then told her that this is not the first time she has tried her little overdosing on food stunt.
